The following should reduce spelling errors on this mailing list. <grin>
Terry Wohlers
Subject: New English
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the
other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of
the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less
letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil
be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
And zen ve vil take over ze vorld!!!
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