Subject: Hell hath no fury
A true story.
A thermodynamics professor had written a take-home exam for his graduate
students. It had one question: Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support
your answer with proof.
Most of the students wrote proof of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some
variant. One student, however wrote the following:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If
they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are
souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we
can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist
in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than
one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same,
the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.
#1 So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase
until all hell breaks loose.
#2 Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa Banyan during Freshman
year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and
take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual
relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and hell is exothermic.
The student got the only A.
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Opinions, suggestions, and other controversial matter VOID where prohibited.
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Elaine T. Hunt, Director
Clemson University Laboratory to Advance Industrial Prototyping
206 Fluor Daniel Bldg. Clemson, SC 29643-0925
864-656-0321 (voice) 864-656-4435 (fax)
elaine.hunt@ces.clemson.edu
http://chip.eng.clemson.edu/rp/persall/elaine.html
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