Geeks rule?!

From: Geert Mensing (gmensing@defond.com)
Date: Tue Oct 12 1999 - 05:17:55 EEST


Computer geeks must have invented Y2K bug
Story from The Holland Sentinel
DON KAUL
Columnist
There are a number of minor developments that went virtually unnoticed
during the recent deconstruction of the president's libido. For example:
The world is coming to an end.
Not only do we know the end is coming, we know the exact date it will
arrive: Jan. 1, 2000, a nanosecond after midnight. That is the moment at
which all the computers in the world (allowing for differences in time
zones, of course) will crash, taking life as we know it with it. Your life
savings will disappear; planes will crash; cities, plunged into darkness,
will clot with traffic; elevators will halt between floors; nuclear missiles
will fire unbidden; hospitals will be, for all intents and purposes, shut
down; and your ATM card won't work.
That, at least, is the doomsday scenario being put forth by the pessimists
among us (and with the track record that pessimists have had this century,
you have to pay them some attention). Optimists say that it's not going to
be that bad; that "Y2K," the official nickname of the crisis, is merely
going to plunge the world into deep economic depression from which it will
not recover for ... oh, 10 or 20 years.
The government, in the meantime, says not to worry, that it's got things
under control. (And if that's not enough to make you worry, nothing is.)
What is your average American doing about this iceberg we seem to be headed
for? He's doing what he always does when the world is coming to an end:
hoarding food. There are reports of people setting up little fallout
shelters in their basements, stocking them with canned goods, powered milk,
guns and ammunition -- the basics.
(I don't know what it is about people; tell them an asteroid is going to
destroy the earth in 45 minutes and they'll say: "Don't know if I like the
sound of that. Better get to the store and lay in some eggs and an extra
quart of milk. Maybe some batteries and some shotgun shells, too."
Apparently, no one wants to die unarmed, with an empty larder. It must be
something in our genes.)
The problem, as you'd know if you'd been paying attention, is that long ago,
way back when computers used punch cards, programmers took to designating
years by only their last two numbers and assuming the 19, to save space.
This system, which works fine so long as we are dealing with the 20th
century, was imbedded into our computers in millions of ways.
At the dawn of the 21st century, however, when the internal clocks of
computers click over to 00, the computers (who obviously aren't as smart as
they're cracked up to be) will read it as 1900, screwing up nearly
everything. Left to their own devices, the computers will treat us as though
we haven't been born yet and most of our fancy gadgets -- traffic lights,
air traffic control towers, emergency room ventilators -- as though they
hadn't been invented.
How did this happen, you ask? The Y2K apologists would have us believe that
the computer mavens who set up this system simply made an honest error; it
could have happened to anyone, they say.
Are you kidding me? These geniuses --who have all but taken over society,
who have given us instant global communications, e-mail, online stock
trading and Matt Drudge -- couldn't figure out that the 21st century was
coming?
Please.
Here is what really happened: A summit meeting of the computer mafia was
called sometime in the '50s. The Cappo di Tutti Cappi said:
"Look guys, things are goin' pretty sweet right now, but we gotta look
ahead. What's gonna happen when everybody has one of our gizmos and there's
nobody left to sell to?"
"We make a faster gizmo in brighter colors. The suckers love bright colors."

"Yeah, dat's good. We can work that scam for a while; but let's face it,
fellas. Sooner or later even the suckers are gonna figure out they don't
need faster and there are only so many colors. What then?"
"I got it, boss. We'll fix our gizmos so that they'll crash on New Year's
Eve, 2000, unless they hire us to fix 'em so they don't, or buy new gizmos
from us. That'll keep us busy until our kids retire."
"We can do that?"
"Easy. And if they ask what gives, we'll tell 'em we forgot. What can they
do?"
"Good plan. Let's do it."
And that's the way it was. I got it straight from Bob Woodward's bookie,
Deep Throat.
Don Kaul is a syndicated columnist.

Cheers,

Gert (Geert Mensing)

Tomorrow is a Mystery and Today is a gift: that's why we call it the
Present.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

I hope to die peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not
screaming like the passengers in his car.

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