Friday (early) humor

From: Paul Burr (tigerpb@ids.net)
Date: Thu Nov 11 1999 - 23:26:30 EET


 To: TECH SUPPORT

 Subject PROBLEMS WITH UPGRADE

 Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the
new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space
and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the
product brochure.

 In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system
activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and
Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
some of
my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program. Can you
help me,
 please?!?

 Thanks, Joe

 From: TECH SUPPORT
 To: JOE
 Dear Joe:

 This is a very common problem that men complain about. But is mostly due
to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT
program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0

Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to
emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall,
delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You
cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do
this.

 Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with
more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under
 "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just
deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also
suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership
Faults(GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems
that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will
be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.

In any case, avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will
have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return
too normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for
all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.

 Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife1.0.
 I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any
circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a
supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible
 damage to the operating system.

 Best of luck.

 Tech Support.

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