(Fwd) News Release

From: Yakov Horenstein (yakov@planet.it)
Date: Sat Nov 01 1997 - 21:13:42 EET

>Subject: FW: Microsoft VS. US Dept. of Justice
>REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 27, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made
>by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that
>it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of
>America for an undisclosed sum.
>"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said
>Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive
>arrangement for everyone".
>Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the
>White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the
>press that changes will be "minimal." The United States will be managed
>as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is
>planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to
>be profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest," according to Microsoft president
>Steve Ballmer.
>In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly
>and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice-president with
>Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United States government,
>reporting directly to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the
>mantle of executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to
>it as "a relief." He went on to say that Gates has a "proven track
>record", and that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their "full support
>and confidence." Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the
>$200,000 annually he has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at
>Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond
>as "silly," though did say that he would make executive decisions for
>the U.S. Government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters.
>Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be
>"Microsoft isn't a democracy," he observed, "and look how well we're
>(An undisclosed source in the Justice Department indicated that Attorney
>General Janet Reno was in Cupertino, CA discussing "opportunities" with
>Steven Jobs, new CEO of Apple Corporation.)
>When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was
>proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking
>place." Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that
>United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in
>government services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
>About Microsoft
>Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in
>software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company
>offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and
>personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and
>more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of
>personal computing and free society every day.
>About the United States
>Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
>nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy
>and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C.,
>the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.

Yakov Horenstein
Milano, Italy

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