Microsoft TV Dinner

From: Yakov Horenstein (
Date: Wed Nov 12 1997 - 00:45:28 EET

Subject: Microsoft TV Dinner

the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft
rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your
dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You
may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged
to tell them how good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the
oven using these keystrokes: <<\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat// Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme. If you have a Mac
oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook
the dinner. If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the
ingredients of the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the
dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will
calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven
must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the
oven and enter <<ms.good/tryagain\again/again.please. This process may have
to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot.
If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than
the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are
empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in
your oven you will need to upgrade your equipment.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken
variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call
MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that you really don't want another
variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need. Microsoft has disclosed
plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future
releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be
stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved
packaging. Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98.
However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get
thrilled in advance.

Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer,
causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your
freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.

Yakov Horenstein
Milano, Italy

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