joke of the week (I did not write this)

From: Elaine Hunt (
Date: Fri Apr 17 1998 - 21:01:11 EEST

> I'm currently running the latest version of Microsoft GirlFriend and
> I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same
> Version of MS DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application,
> and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with
> it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in
> background mode and the sound is turned off.
> But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound
> off. I just run them separately, and it works okay. Girlfriend also
> seems to have a problem coexisting with my MS Golf program, often
> trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.
> I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I
> Might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of
> conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had
> experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough
> cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token
> Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it
> un installed itself.
> Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were
> supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus
> anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.
> I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI
> probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked
> okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my
> system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still
> installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that
> automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend
> communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate
> of both versions.
> The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some
> problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some
> obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I
> thinkthere is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than
> the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your
> hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never
> liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."
> A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to
> GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of
> GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a
> if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after that,
> had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog.
> has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the
> primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came
> bundled with FreeSexPlus.
> Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes
> prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he
> to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up
> system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife
> 1.0 came with MS Mother-In-Law which has an automatic pop-up feature he
> can't turn off.
> I told him to try installing MS Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if
> you try to run it without first un installing Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will
> delete MS Money files before doing the uninstall itself. Then
> Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.

Opinions, suggestions, and other controversial matter VOID where prohibited.
Elaine T. Hunt, Director
Clemson University Laboratory to Advance Industrial Prototyping
206 Fluor Daniel Bldg. Clemson, SC 29643-0925
864-656-0321 (voice) 864-656-4435 (fax)

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