Off-Topic, Friday Humor (Clean jokes).

From: Monica & Glenn Whiteside (
Date: Sat Jan 23 1999 - 00:39:47 EET

Here goes...

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was
coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop,
and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side
and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would
put his hands up like claws and roar... So it went, step,
step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from
laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more
distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears
by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and
said, "I was being the Ring Bear...."

A Little Marriage Humor...

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-- Henny Youngman

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that
perhaps they're too old to do it.
-- Ann Bancroft

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards
-- Benjamin Frankin

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30
-- Cindy Garner

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
-- ElaineBoosler

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
--Rita Rudner

People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a
quarter of a century for their secret for success.
Actually, it is no secret at all. I'm a forgiving woman. Long ago, I
forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
-- Erma Bombeck

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am I married
the wrong man."

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when
I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I
like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants,
provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment
and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death.

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry
done free.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Well that's all for now.....

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