Off-topic, RE: The English language

From: Monica & Glenn Whiteside (
Date: Wed Apr 14 1999 - 07:57:05 EEST

Thought the list might enjoy this....

Subject: FW: The English Language

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the
English muffins were not invented in
French fries were not invented in

We sometimes take English for
But if we examine its paradoxes we
find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers
don't fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth
be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique
Of a language where a house can burn
up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it

English was invented by people, not
And it reflects the creativity of
the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
 When the stars are out they are
But when the lights are out they are
And why it is that when I wind up my
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

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