Subject: News Release: New Element Discovered
> The heaviest element known to science
> was recently discovered by chemists.
> The element, tentatively named
> Administratum, has no protons or
> electrons and thus has an atomic number
> of 0.
> However it does have:
> 1 neutron.
> 125 assistant neutrons.
> 75 vice-neutrons.
> 111 assistant vice-neutrons.
> This gives it an atomic mass of 312.
> The 312 particles are held together by a
> force that involves the continuous
> exchange of meson-like particles called
> Since it has no electrons, Administratum
> is inert. However, it can be detected
> chemically as it impedes every action
> with which it comes in contact.
> According to the discoveres, a minute of
> causes one reaction to take four days to
> complete when it would have normally
> ocurred in less than one second.
> Administratum has a notmal half-life of
> approximately three years, at which time
> it does not actually decay but instead
> undergoes a reorganization in which
> assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and
> vice-neutrons exchange places. Some
> studies have shown that atomic mass
> actually increases after each
> Research at other laboratories indicates
> that Administratum occurs naturally in the
> atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at
> certain points such as government
> agencies, large corporations, and
> universities and
> can usually be found in the newest, best
> appointed, and best maintained
> Chemists point out that Administratum is
> known to be highly toxic at any level of
> concentration and can easily destroy any
> productive reaction where it is allowed
> to accumulate. Attempts are being made
> to determine how
> Administratum can be controlled to
> prevent irreversible but results to date
> are not promising.
> It is hoped that Committeeium can
> neutralize Administratum damage by
> issuing irrelevant voluminous reports.
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