off topic - Engineering humor

From: Drew Brown (
Date: Thu May 25 2000 - 14:48:39 EEST

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I
was walking
along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful Woman rode up
on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said,
"Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
the clothes probably wouldn't have fit.

"Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
halfempty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to

"Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in,
don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! The pastor said, "Hey,

herecomes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." --[dramatic
pause]--"Hi George, Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow,
aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
year, so we always let them play for > > >free anytime." The group was
silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will
say a
special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm
going to
contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do
them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical and after serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him
regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multimillion dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the
to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired
engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The
reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge
machine. At the end
of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of
machine and stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was
and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for

$50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized
accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk
$1, Knowing where to put it $49,999. It was paid in full and the
retired again in peace.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion
and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
> > >and get some work done."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will

stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled
at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you
me and turn me back in to a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING
want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said,
I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking
frog, now
that's cool."

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